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VALENTINE MYTHS YOU GUYS SHOULD REALLY Know

The devil's day is cresting the
horizon, and all through the
expanse of Texas you can hear
the faint murmur of boyfriends
booking dinner reservations,
girlfriends trying on new
dresses and panties, and single
people wiping the dust from their
romance films and novels and
sending messages to any and all
who traverse the world of
digital dating. For some,
Valentine's Day brings much
needed vigor into their humping.
Others see this day as little
more than a reminder that
sitting on your hand before you
jerk off is not the same as
f*cking (i.e. The Stranger) and
chatting over World of Warcraft
differs from lying beside someone.
Regardless
of your
opinion, the
commercial
juggernaut
that is
Valentine's
Day is
barreling towards us. With it
come a slew of horrific heart
puns, chocolate, and GMO roses.
In this mess, you can find a few
myths that have been perpetuated
by various industries looking to
make a buck and a plethora of
uninventive people hoping to find
the mythic One. Here are a few.
Myth #1: Going out to dinner and indulging is a
good idea before sex. If you think
dropping over one hundred
dollars on a meal and ordering
the goat cheese fondue will
result in a stupendous day
brimming with coital bliss, you
are an idiot. Few things are
worse than unleashing a
thunderous flatulent complete
with oily discharge mid-thrust.
Realizing you have a case of
whiskey dick is not much better.
In short, take it easy on the
meal and booze, or work up
your appetite by f*cking before
you eat. Your evening will be
much cleaner if you do.
Myth #2: Nothing says 'Be My Valentine' like
chocolates. While some people love
chocolate, others don't. In
fact, some may think a gift of
chocolates indicative of a
complete lack of imagination.
They may see that chocolate
heart and think, "You boring
asshole." If you want to avoid
a set of rolling eyes, consider
something other than a
Hershey's bar.
Myth #3: Valentine's Day cards are clever and
show affection. Valentine's Day cards
are where platitudes, clichés,
and puns go to die. Here,
Hallmark and other companies
brand these expressions with
hearts and striped uniforms
barely distinguishable from one
another. They then force these
expressions to perform mindless
labor until they are hollowed of
all substance. Then, once these
phrases are nothing more than
skeletons robbed of all
potential, they are thrown into
the dumpster. Yes, Valentine's
Day cards are key perpetrators
of the linguistic holocaust. If
the best way you can show
your feelings is one of these
cards, tattoo, "TV ARE GOOD,
REIDING ARE BAD," on your
forehead.
Myth #4: Being alone on Valentine's Day is
horrible and pathetic. Yes, being alone
when you would prefer to be
with someone you care about
can be awful. However, there is
plenty to do without all the
bullshit that is Valentine's Day.
You can watch Say Anything , and
eat ice cream, make dinner and
enjoy not having to share it
with someone else, or act as if
Valentine's Day is a day like any
other. Or, you can hang out
with other single people. In this
way, you will not be alone in
multiple senses of this word. If
you are with others, you can
then engage in cathartic
activities like egging parked cars
outside of romantic
restaurants, discussing your
terrible previous relationships,
and/or masturbating in a circle
jerk. The possibilities are endless!

HISTORY OF VALENTINES DAY

Most of you people dont even know the meaning of valentines or even where it came from,,,so i got you some info,,,
The history of Valentine's Day is
obscure, and further clouded by
various fanciful legends. The
holiday's roots are in the ancient
Roman festival of Lupercalia, a
fertility celebration commemorated
annually on February 15. Pope
Gelasius I recast this pagan
festival as a Christian feast day
circa 496, declaring February 14
to be St. Valentine's Day.
Valentines Galore
Which St. Valentine this early pope
intended to honor remains a
mystery: according to the Catholic
Encyclopedia , there were at least
three early Christian saints by
that name. One was a priest in
Rome, another a bishop in Terni,
and of a third St. Valentine
almost nothing is known except
that he met his end in Africa.
Rather astonishingly, all three
Valentines were said to have been
martyred on Feb. 14.
Most scholars believe that the St.
Valentine of the holiday was a
priest who attracted the disfavor
of Roman emperor Claudius II
around 270. At this stage, the
factual ends and the mythic
begins. According to one legend,
Claudius II had prohibited marriage
for young men, claiming that
bachelors made better soldiers.
Valentine continued to secretly
perform marriage ceremonies but
was eventually apprehended by the
Romans and put to death. Another
legend has it that Valentine,
imprisoned by Claudius, fell in love
with the daughter of his jailer.
Before he was executed, he
allegedly sent her a letter signed
"from your Valentine." Probably
the most plausible story
surrounding St. Valentine is one
not focused on Eros (passionate
love) but on agape (Christian love):
he was martyred for refusing to
renounce his religion.
In 1969, the Catholic Church
revised its liturgical calendar,
removing the feast days of saints
whose historical origins were
questionable. St. Valentine was
one of the casualties.
Chaucer's Love Birds
It was not until the 14th century
that this Christian feast day
became definitively associated with
love. According to UCLA medieval
scholar Henry Ansgar Kelly,
author of Chaucer and the Cult of Saint
Valentine, it was Chaucer who first
linked St. Valentine's Day with
romance.
In 1381, Chaucer composed a poem
in honor of the engagement
between England's Richard II and
Anne of Bohemia. As was the
poetic tradition, Chaucer
associated the occasion with a
feast day. In "The Parliament of
Fowls," the royal engagement, the
mating season of birds, and St.
Valentine's Day are linked:
For this was on St. Valentine's
Day,
When every fowl cometh there to
choose his mate.

VALENTINES AFTER-PARTY

ONE of the models who will be hosting the official valentines after party with wesley kayaer,Djz bobby and erico,Mcz essy and blaze.
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